|Anyone can dress up as a Pimp, but do you really have what it takes to be a REAL Pimp?!
In Pimpology School, we'll give you the training you need to make sure you are a master Pimp by the time you arrive at the party!! With only days to go, you better get learning, cause being a Pimp is a competitive business, and you don't want to lose all your hoes to the master pimps out there! It's only bad for business!!
There Are Five Main Principals Of Pimp-ology:
So come on homie... Step inside and let us begin our lesson.
Pimp-in Yo Clothes:
- Step #1: If you gonna work the art... You gotta look the part! Drape up from the floor up and kill those tired-ass old kicks. Sport some gators for the true capers. As for your bottoms: Room is the key, cuz real pimps let it hang free. Make sure your shirts are pressed up and keep poppin those collars. Oh yeah... capes are the shit but don’t get it twisted... furs are the way to keep those Ho’s interested.
- Step #2: Hook up’s are the shit. Like your pimp stick... It’s a crucial hook up cuz chin checking and knuckling back are tools of the trade. So tilt your brim when you dealin in skin, cuz dome pieces let 'em know you paid. Then bling-bling-a-bling-a- bling cause no Ho can resist a platinum and diamond beveled ring.
- Step #3: Peep game: Don't forget to take a shower! Cuz smelling so fresh and so clean ain't just a song homie... It's knowledge! Crack open a bottle of Jean Paul Gaultier or some other fine pimp fragrance.
Pimp-in Yo Ride:
If you riding in a rust bucket... It’s time to say "Fuck It". Cuz no Ho works all night long, brings dough from Joe Blow and sings that song. So throw it in the gutter and go buy another.
You ain’t gotta be in a Caddie to be a Pimp Daddy. Just make sure it’s clean. When in doubt... Chevy Cutlass it out. Tint that shit first thing. Next, slap on some rims that spin... That’s how you start to get that skin.
Now step inside and peep yo ride. It’s sheep skin covers for bang’n ruckus... But fur dice and plasmas make your shit the toughest. One last thing: Keep pimp-in yo ride from the outside-in and the Ho’s will know you're pimp-in skin.
Pimp up your ride here.
Pimp-in is a mind set... And you need to check yours. When you know you pimp-in, I mean really know your pimp-in, the Ho’s will too.
Game or (Pimp Juice) as it is sometimes called, is like your mojo. The kind of shit pimps kill fo. So peep the Pimp Game... By now your style should be in order and when you look like a pimp you can start to feel like a pimp.
There's no better place to learn your strides than on the street, so make sure you get some street trainin' here.
You keeping up with trainin' homie? A'ight then... Time to move on to the Ho's.
With pride you enter a room... Knowing every Ho sees you, and with style you glide through. But pay those Ho's no mind. Cuz as you peeped when you came through, know those Ho’s peeped too.
But don’t get it twisted, all that glimmering ice got those Ho’s listen’n. When the Ho’s come to holler, break 'em off Game that’s proper. Ask the questions, then listen, she’ll tell you her saga. Be her counselor, psychologist, priest and her father. Then she'll be that ho... now that’s the Don Dada.
Learn how to keep your hoes under control with our hoe slapping training here.
Pimp-in Ain't Easy:
(But somebody’s gotta do it!)
Look... you can’t have all the beauty and none of the booty. Like lazy-ass Ho’s or the damn Po-Po. Just when yo spot starts to make a knot, "One-Times" there to kill the whole plot. You gotta deal with the strung and the spun... and believe me that ain’t no fun. But the worst is the time in a cell, cuz you be mad as hell when you ain’t got no bail.
If you think you're ready to graduate, take the online test here.